I used to think that I would be all grown up by the time I was seventeen.
I thought that I would have gotten my act entirely together, have everything figured out, be a great role model, have figured out exactly what God wants me to do with my life or at least have my drivers licence.
I will never have my act entirely together. I will never have everything figured out. I will never be a good enough role model. God can keep His plan for me secret as long as He wants and I'll never have my drivers licence. (Okay, that last one is a lie... believe it or not, I've been working on driving recently and I sort of almost enjoy it now!)
I guess I used to look up to people my age as being these all-knowing fountains of wisdom and purpose...but now I'm there. I'm now a Senior in high school. I'm one of the people I used to think had everything under control, and guess what? I don't have anything under control, and I never will.
The more I realize that I am not in charge of anything, the more I love it.
God just reminded me of this at the Olympic Qualifier about a week and a half ago. My first round of Apologetics was pathetic. I don't even know what I was saying. I could see the confusion in the judges eyes and I myself was utterly befuddled...it was DREADFUL. I came out of that room literally thinking, "what was I even saying?!" I probably blasphemed at some point during that round...it was that bad.
But then in the end I got sixth in Apologetics. Certainly not from that round, I'm absolutely certain that I got eighth from each and every judge in that first round. But God chose to use that horrendous failure of a round to remind me that I really don't have anything under control. He is in charge.
God has been teaching me so much through Apologetics. Some rounds, I'll be a tad bit confident, and my presentation will turn out like that one (although that is the worst to date), but other times, when I step down and allow God to be in control, He speaks through me and helps me to actually make sense and touch people's hearts.
I may be seventeen, but I don't have my act together. It's been an interesting reality for me to recognize, but I will never have my act together. But now that I know this, it's almost like a weight being taken off of my shoulders. God is in control.
God is in control.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."
Over and out,