Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Reality Check

I used to think that I would be all grown up by the time I was seventeen.

I thought that I would have gotten my act entirely together, have everything figured out, be a great role model, have figured out exactly what God wants me to do with my life or at least have my drivers licence.

Reality check.

I will never have my act entirely together.  I will never have everything figured out.  I will never be a good enough role model.  God can keep His plan for me secret as long as He wants and I'll never have my drivers licence.  (Okay, that last one is a lie... believe it or not, I've been working on driving recently and I sort of almost enjoy it now!)

I guess I used to look up to people my age as being these all-knowing fountains of wisdom and purpose...but now I'm there.  I'm now a Senior in high school.  I'm one of the people I used to think had everything under control, and guess what?  I don't have anything under control, and I never will.

The more I realize that I am not in charge of anything, the more I love it.  

God just reminded me of this at the Olympic Qualifier about a week and a half ago.  My first round of Apologetics was pathetic.  I don't even know what I was saying.  I could see the confusion in the judges eyes and I myself was utterly was DREADFUL.  I came out of that room literally thinking, "what was I even saying?!"  I probably blasphemed at some point during that was that bad.

But then in the end I got sixth in Apologetics.  Certainly not from that round, I'm absolutely certain that I got eighth from each and every judge in that first round.  But God chose to use that horrendous failure of a round to remind me that I really don't have anything under control.  He is in charge.

God has been teaching me so much through Apologetics.  Some rounds, I'll be a tad bit confident, and my presentation will turn out like that one (although that is the worst to date), but other times, when I step down and allow God to be in control, He speaks through me and helps me to actually make sense and touch people's hearts.

I may be seventeen, but I don't have my act together.  It's been an interesting reality for me to recognize, but I will never have my act together.  But now that I know this, it's almost like a weight being taken off of my shoulders.  God is in control.

God is in control.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."
~Proverbs 19:21

Over and out,



  1. oh my goodness, I can SO relate to thinking I'd one day be perfect. I'm still learning to take joy in my imperfection and lack of control. :)Thanks for the reminder....especially as I go into a tournament tomorrow with like...less than 20 apologetics cards. =P

  2. Totally been there before, Hannah! Apologetics is an incredible event to compete in, and God is amazing at telling you in 4 minutes what you couldn't think of in hours of research. It's really not about the number of cards you have at all, it's about knowing your faith and letting God speak through you. I'll be praying that it goes wonderfully. Love you, girl! <3

  3. Wow. Wow, wow! Thanks for this. God is in control forEVER! :)

    1. Your welcome, AJ. I'm totally preaching to myself, but I'm glad that God reminded you as well. =)